Childhood days

We always have someone who we love dearly....

there are two people who are very close to my heart and brain....[i follow my brain and my heart],

my grandpa and my aunt [dad's sis]..i love them enormously....

they have huge influence over me....this is because since i was small i was with them...

this post of mine is entirely dedicated to my grandpa...
I remember those days when i was just 1 or 2 years old...he would come home and we would go to the park sitting on his nasty old scooter...we would also have a nice window shopping..i never had to cry or beg for something i wanted because i always got it with ease...i would also go to his office frequently and entertain him and his old friends....time passed...my parents and I shifted to a different city...but whenever i had an argument with my parents over something i would directly call my grandpa....and it didn't matter whether i was right or wrong...they both always had it....i did go to his place every vacation and then we had a blast cause neither mum nor dad accompanied me...the very first morning we would drive to a shop where you get awesome hot 'jalebees' [its a type of sweet]...then the entire day, i would be lazying around...i used to go for a walk with him every mornings at four..i know its too early but you remain active and fresh the whole day....of course i would come home and sleep again!...watering plants was my favourite house chore..except i hated those chameleons in that jungle!...i and my brother used to do all sorts of stupid stuff like playing in the sand or sometimes some other boyish games...[ i am no tom boy but i wasn't greatly into girlish stuff particularly crushes- until 10th]...
sometimes because of our naughtiness our grandpa would ran behind us with a stick[it wasn't a big stick, but he used to carry it with himself while he went for a jog in the morning..it served the purpose of self protection]...
it was all fun....but one fine day he just passed away leaving me alone...we all were in an enormous shock...well, i still am...nobody ever thought about it..he was just so fit never weak...he never even went to hospitals..it was the first and the last time he paid a visit to it.....
when he passed away..i wasn't that matured..[ don't expect that from a 13 year old girl]..at that time i was in a confused state[ like always] with a heart full of mixed feelings....i couldn't bare that sadness which i could feel everywhere.....i didn't get the intensity of things and that my life would change so much...i think we realise the importance of a person when he's no more....it was then i realised his importance and how much i miss him everyday....perhaps he's never coming back and i always regret of not having spend quality time with him when he was here....
but all this has taught me a lesson...a lesson of life time -

1)treasure everyone close to you and don't hurt them....satisfy their expectations and take care of them....you never know whats gonna happen tomorrow...
the every important lesson was to live every minute of your life cause its precious....its one thing you'll never get back once you lose it...
i started thinking deeply about everything until i was 15....my brain started working more hard and intensely....i know people think i talk too much and i can't keep secrets..that completely pisses me up...i agree i talk...but i talk too much with the people who i am comfortable with the others i don't...trust me....and as for secrets..i am a confidante of many people....truly.....i know what to speak to whom....
so lets get back...you know i still go and tell him everything...i don't hide anything and there i take a look at myself... see things from others perspective..learn something from my experiences [ a lil late though]....
really he still rocks and course lastly i miss him...

what do i do???...

people are unpredictable...

i mean life is unpredictable...

i mean look, once i suffer a heartbreak...

i get up again...and forget it all...i did the most impossible thing..became friends with him,.....

i shouldn't have...i shouldn't have....thats where i went wrong i guess...

now it all seems pissing...there is frustration and insecurity filled in me...i'm feeling low...drastically low at the same time.....how can someone not just consider others feelings!!![he's not the one i'am cursing here, there's another guy i'm talking about]........

its so hard to forgive people for their deeds at times!!....

i'm no god.

this has hurted me gigantically and i am not that brave to face it now...

i mean how many times should i be brave..

is this justice???...

i haven't done anything wrong to anyone until.....then why me????...

i feel so depressed..

.so much insecure..

perhaps i'll need ample of time to get back to me now....loads of time..

cause this is the second time..i'm broken...so much of broken...

no material happiness can surpass this sadness....i'm a very sensitive girl..even a little poke to me, my heart starts bleeding profusely...

i did one more mistake..

trusted people...

i mean i didn't tell any of my secrets to anyone...but i believed in them...i shouldn't have...

i shouldn't have ever entered into another dimension....

i can't believe that someone can lie so much!!...i mean how??

i always end up being optimistic....

but now, i feel as if it just doesn't work.....its not that i'm losing hope..

i know that i'll recover soon...i know that has to be done..positively course...

phew...felt better by writting all this!!!.....
i have this bad habit in me- once if i make bad conclusions about a person..they won't change..

.and my conclusion about a friend of mine won't ever change...i don't care till what extent it might hurt him...

someone who hurts me so badly....i'll never ever talk 2 him....
you know i am feeling damn confussed....

is there no one who i can actually trust???....everytime i do so..it breaks..it cracks...it bursts...

to that great friend of mine i would like to ask-

do you think i am a toy to play with???...

how can you be so stone hearted....not at all considerate?....

lastly i would like to tell him- don't you ever think that i might trust you again....

its never happening again..
i think maybe i should change..

it seems like i am lost in an unknown world..

i don't know whom to trust and whom to not....

i feel like everything's gone far away from me....i won't be the same anymore....

thats the truth...i can't convince myself to remain the same....and i don't feel like being the same....

how i feel so lost!!!!...

so confussed..so frustrated...

so helpless..

there is insecurity running all over through me....and i don't know what to do....
one thing i can do...

sadly its positive thinking...

keep hoping!...

donot lose your patience....

live your life the way i always do...get up again...

smile...

cheer up..

cause i don't think i should cry for a stranger...

why should i spoil it all?...

and wasn't i the one, who had decided that i won't get into any relationship

because its filled with misunderstandings, tension, frustration, fights.

i hope i keep my decision ..i dunno...

i can't assure that....

but writting my mind felt good...really good....

hi....
this is the very first time I'm writing a blog....so please, if any mistakes, my apologies.....
first and foremost this blog is not for criticizing or discouraging anyone....its just my views....so don't take it personally.....
i always wonder why people really say " my life is damn boring with nothing in it".........
these people are mainly those who have had a recent breakup.......

wake up guys...

IS YOUR WORLD EMPTY WITHOUT UR Girlfrnd or Boyfrnd???
IS THERE NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE EXCEPT THAT????
thats what my topic is.....

life is sooee lovely with such beauty in it...

why don't we just live life happily with full contentment and satisfaction?......
Thats because we keep on complaining about the things we don't have and never see and things we have.....
I always get inspired and encouraged by thinking about everything I HAVE today....
positive thinking helps....
Its not that my life's always smooth....even I had bad times.....but when I face them I just cry hard and forget it with a positive note......THAT ACTUALLY HELPS....

I know it might be a hard phase for the people who just have had a breakup......
some people move ahead .....and some people just don't......they get into extreme distress....
there are so many other things to do in life...you just need to remove that mask from your eyes and find those things..........it works only if you have 'hope'.....

next comes teenage [ between 14-17] relationships.... {intersting topic}...
I see so many teenagers dating....many are my friends..[cause even i am a teenager]....
when its the beginning of their relationship..everything seems like heaven to them.....let a month or two pass....I start hearing complaints....
and sometimes I see many people even start making their marriage plans!!!.....
I still wonder how many of these Romeo and Juliet's are actually getting married..cause it will surely need the next 7 yrs at least.....and course so many things will change until then....at such a tender age how can someone just get into any sort of commitment?....
i actually feel sad when some of my friends take their relationship to an extreme edge.......

what I'm trying to say is...
gals and guys, date but let it be a light relationship...

for which there must be transparency in it....this is the period in which we must think bout our careers....not saying that don't date, just that let that not affect you in a bad way..........
Thats all I can say..........